Sunday, January 2, 2011

Realizing that your wife or husband was sexually abused as a child, how does it affect the marriage

When a person had been sexually abused as a child, then gets married they take the past into the marriage, especially those that have not worked through the trauma.

Many times the scenario will be a heightened sex drive before the marriage and then possibly not wanting intimacy at all after marriage or they may have a difficult time getting emotionally close while love making. This can be very confusing for the individual that was abused and the spouse, leaving the partners frustrated and ultimately upset over the situation.

Both men and women
Both men and women can be the victim of sexual abuse as a child and the impact on the mind, body and spirit can create havoc in a relationship.

There are many people who have been abused but have taken the necessary steps to go to counseling, sex therapist or sex surrogate to work through the trauma and better understand their bodies.  Seeing the right professional can help to heal the trauma and create a more successful relationship.

Muscle memory
In both men and women trauma of any kind from abuse can get stored in muscle memory in the body, this can result in men not being able to maintain an erection, or a women’s vagina muscles tightening up and making sex painful. The muscle memory of the abuse can happen to any part of the body that was violated. In men if they were violated through penetration that part of the body can have painful muscle memory as well?

For some men and women the lack of sexual gratification can happen because of the early desensitized of sexual information in a young brain and cause them to have extreme measures in getting sexually aroused. The young mind is not suppose to be exposed to sex early on, this can cause the brain to be overly stimulated then as an adult leading to more extreme forms of sex just to satisfy the individual. Unfortunately the percentages of people that are abused if not helped can become an abuser themselves. This continues the pattern of abuse in many families from: Parents to uncles, aunts, siblings, and grandparents and this is a very real and serious problem.

Getting help
Seek a professional whom specializes in working through sexual trauma, and can recommend other professionals who can help do body work.  Training the mind and body to connect again, by allowing the muscles to be free of the psychological pain is an important part of healing.

The mind needs to connect back to the body and help to release the trauma that has been stored in the muscle for so many years. thinking in terms of survivor rather than a victim also gives that person the power back. The couple should also seek help together in order to understand how they can benefit their spouse’s recovery rather than becoming codependent.

For help contact Dawn Michael M.A. certified sexologist
To contact a sex surrogate go to IPSA

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  1. This is my 1st time i see here. I located so several entertaining stuff in your blog, especially it's talk. From the tons of comments on your articles, I think I am not the simply one having all the enjoyment here! Keep up the excellent job.

  2. When we dated prio

  3. Prior to getting married, we had great sex, oral, 69, you name it, after marriage, she changed, i feel miserable and lonely, need sex more than my wife, never been unfaithful, masturbation is as close as sex i will get in months. Therapy has improved sexual relation, however


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